


The Prank Caller Who Never Was

by jackopancake



Category: Gintama
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Secret Santa, Unusual Suspects, everyone bullies Hijikata
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 08:20:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13383894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackopancake/pseuds/jackopancake
Summary: Who keeps telling Hijikata his fridge is running?





	The Prank Caller Who Never Was

**Author's Note:**

> Secret Santa for Ante!

An emergency meeting was being held by Hijikata.

“Men, we have an issue.” He slammed the sheath of his sword on the ground. “Someone keeps prank calling us.”

One officer raises his hand.

“Yes?”

“Seriously? You’ve gathered us here today for this?”

Everyone nodded. Prank calls weren’t that much of an issue. Ignore them and they go away eventually. Hijikata, however, took great offense to these calls and was determined to sniff out the culprit.

“This isn’t just any prank call. Someone within our ranks is doing it! Who calls to ask if the refrigerator is running?”

The next person to raise his hand was Yamazaki. “Yes, Yamazaki?”

“Did you go chasing the refrigerator though, sir?”

“Kill yourself!”

“He really did! He really ran out to see if the refrigerator was running away!” Hijikata was turning red in the face at all this. It was becoming plainly obvious that he wanted to find the culprit so he could murder them with his own bare hands. No one makes a fool out of the vice captain.

Kondo raised his hand next.

“Why are you raising your hand?”

“Maybe the refrigerator was actually thinking of running away.”

Hijikata threw his sword at Kondo at this point. Now everyone else was making a fool of him, too! The hilt smacked Kondo in the head. Damn, Hijikata really was dead serious about this prank call thing. He ran a hand through his hair and pulled out a cigarette.

“Anyway. I know it is one of us because it came from a landline, and the landline traced back to here. I want whoever is doing this to confess to it right now, and then maybe you won’t have to commit seppuku.”

Crickets. No one got up.

“Anyone?”

Sougo stood.

“Ah, I knew it was y-”

“It’s Saito.”

Everyone turned to look at him in disbelief. Saito? Saito never spoke. “No, Sougo, he’s the last person I would believe would perform a prank call. Which involves  _ talking _ .”

“I swear, I saw him do it. I walked into the room and he was putting the phone down.”

“I will murder you, Sougo. Stop lying and sit back down if you didn’t do it.” Sougo took his seat again. Everyone was whispering amongst each other. What if it was Saito? Or maybe Sougo was trying to pin the blame on someone else, as per usual. Saito sat in the back watching and letting his hair dip in front of his face.

An officer elbowed him in the side. "Can you believe it?"

"No," Saito wrote. "This is ableism."

But Sougo was totally, 100% correct. The prank caller was, indeed, Saito. But he couldn't just admit to something like that. That would mean everyone would know it was his voice, and then they'd make fun of him. Prank calls were one of the few times he felt safe in talking - no one knew it was him, after all, and the calls were pretty short. So instead, he didn't write a word.

Hijikata paced. "Whoever you are, I will find you, and I will make sure you are punished to the full extent of the law. I will be monitoring each and every one of you - minus Saito, of course." No one could see it, but Saito smiled under the mask. And so the prank calls continued.

Hijikata could not figure out who was doing it. No amount of following everyone, including Sougo especially, gave him any ideas. In fact, he got a prank call right as Sougo stared him in the eyes, like he knew. "I'm telling you, it's Saito."

Maybe it was.

But Hijikata, whenever he went to talk to Saito, couldn't get anything out of him. No way could this shy guy make that many prank calls. However, after that meeting, the calls stopped.

Saito couldn't risk being found out and having people know his voice.

The event went down in Shinsengumi history as The Prank Caller Who Never Was.


End file.
